


Most Important Place

by Yurika



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Come pals hop on the angst train with me!, Grief/Mourning, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2017-08-05
Packaged: 2018-12-11 09:04:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11711211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yurika/pseuds/Yurika
Summary: Keith was standing in front of the doors to the medical bay. He swallowed down the fear pulsing away in his throat before he placed his hand on the reader for the door.





	Most Important Place

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hamykia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hamykia/gifts).



> Sooo  
> This is my first Voltron fic and I'm kinda proud that my first contribution to this fandom is angst. I hear you say why because! I love angst and nearly every first fic I wrote for a fandom was angst so yeeaaah I didn't break my tradition
> 
> Also I haven't watched the third season yet and won't be able to until further notice so this fic was written after only watching the first and second season
> 
> Other than that  
> My friend watermaloon helped me bunch with this story, she sat through me complaining about writing and vomiting my problems at her, she gave me ideas for a few scenes and read even over the whole thing just to see if I got the characters right.  
> Also  
> This fic is a gift for my dear friend Hamykia  
> She was also the one who helped me with the Spanish parts!  
> Have fun while reading!

They couldn’t hold back a cry of victory when Zarkon’s lifeless body hit the ground. Huffs and puffs left their mouths as Keith limped up to Shiro and inspected the gush on the others’ arm. His suit was torn and the blood was spilling relentlessly, however, Keith didn’t have much time to look at Shiro’s wound. Shiro pulled him into a tight embrace, patting his back. This was it. Keith thought to himself. They had been traveling through the whole galaxy for this one moment of victory, for this last second of relief that would come with the knowledge that Zarkon was down. That they had achieved what people a thousand years before them couldn’t do. That they had brought down an imperial wannabe dictator.

Keith returned the embrace equally tight. The pain in his leg seemed to be forgotten, adrenaline was still coursing through his body numbing any exhaustion he could have felt. The others would be thrilled as soon as they returned to the ship. This was their victory. Their final fight. The war was won. Shiro and Keith let go of one another a broad grin on both of their faces as Shiro began helping Keith limp up to his lion.

No words were exchanged. Only their rigid breaths told in what hard of a fight they had been just moments ago. Keith seated himself in Red and began his flight to the ship, to the others. Allura, Hunk, Coran, Pidge and… Lance. He swallowed as a nervous smile played on his lips. He had promised himself to do this when this was all over, when Zarkon was finished off, when they had won. His heart tightened in his chest as he accelerated Red.

Xoxoxoxox

Keith had a big smile on his face as he landed on their ship. He couldn’t wait to see everyone, to tell them the amazing news. They probably knew what was up already but he wanted to tell them anyways. They had won damn it! He exited Red when he noticed that something wasn’t quite right. His smile dropped as he slowly approached everyone standing around Blue. They were screaming and from the corner of his eyes he could see that Allura was… crying? What the hell was going on here?

“Guys?”

The second he uttered that everyone’s head turned to him. Allura looked relieved as she dashed towards him pulling him into a crushing hug and then did the same with Shiro. This was… strange.

“What’s h-”

“Our signal was cut off,” Coran explained from where he stood still watching Blue with an intense gaze, he looked nearly… lost. “We didn’t know if you were still ali-” He sucked in a breath but didn’t continue his phrase. He really didn’t have to. Keith already knew what Coran wanted to say. His throat tightened up.

Keith took a breath and cleared his throat, his eyes turning to Blue. Then he noticed Hunk sitting there on the floor, beside him Pidge, who had her hand on his shoulder, talking to him. But from the looks of it he wasn’t even registering that Pidge was there. Honestly, Keith was still kind of lost. All of them should be happy. They had won. This was it.

Where the hell was Lance? He would’ve brought everyone’s spirits up with his stupid remarks maybe made them groan with a weird flirt attempt on Allura, where he said things like ‘well look at you, don’t you want to date the saviour of the galaxy?’ Keith snorted, he really wasn’t good at this. At least not as good or cringey as Lance. A smile pulled at his lips.

“Where’s Lance.” He finally voiced turning to Coran. Coran’s eyes widened slightly but he didn’t answer. Weird. Keith looked back at Shiro who was standing beside Allura, eyes wide, watching Blue. What the hell was it that made all of them so vary of Blue? He turned around once again. Blue was there, the protecting barrier up to not let anyone close to her as long as she wasn't being operated by Lance. And again where was Lance? He looked around once more, he wasn’t anywhere to be seen. With this question in mind he limped up to Pidge and Hunk. Sure they looked like they were having a moment and he did stop shortly when he heard what Pidge said.

“..not your fault. Lance did what he always does…” Keith could hear the strain in her voice. His own breath stilled when he heard Hunk’s answer.

“I-it was!” Hunk sounded so torn, so full of guilt. What had exactly happened? Keith stopped walking he listened. Held his breath and listened even though his heart began to pound in his ears uncontrollably loud, sickeningly heavy, horribly tight in his chest. “He tried to save me Pidge! He.. he saved me…” Then Hunk burried his face in his palms, his shoulders shaking he began crying.

Saved Hunk. That was nothing new. Lance tended to do that, putting himself in harm’s way to shield his friends. He was that guy who did everything to keep everyone safe and never wanted anything back but to have a place among them. Being seen as family and a friend. Keith swallowed against the lump in his throat. Everything cool, Lance always came out unharmed after all… well not always. Normally he ended up in their medical capsules to get back to strength. But he always woke up.

“Where’s Lance.” Keith said out loud. Maybe louder and more forceful than he intended… but he had to know. Was he in the medical bay already? Was he here? Where was he? Why the hell was everyone crying?

Shiro was the one to come close to him, he laid a hand on his shoulder.

“Keith.” he said in that tone he used when something important would follow. Leveled, cool, and in total control. “He is inside Blue.”

“What?” Keith looked at Blue. “Why doesn’t he come out?”

Shiro didn't say anything. Maybe he wasn’t as much in control as a wanted to be or maybe he had no answer.

“Lance,” Keith called out.

Silence was what followed. Nobody said a word, even Hunk stopped sobbing. They all listened expectantly. Maybe Lance would answer and come out. Maybe Lance would say ‘Hey gotcha, you been scared?’ What was Keith thinking? Scared of what? Lance was okay.

“Lance.” He shouted again stepping closer to Blue. He couldn’t feel Shiro’s hand on his shoulder anymore. Nothing there to ground him. Nothing there to keep him in reality. And the others, they didn’t stop him. He didn’t know why. Why wouldn’t they just shout for Lance if their communicators were being broken shits?

“Lance!” This time louder and he practically ran up to Blue the remaining way until the protective barrier stopped him. Then he hit the barrier with so much force that his already injured leg couldn’t keep him upright and he fell on his ass with a thud.

He looked up to Blue. The normally calming tone and nature of the lion was now looming over him. For the first time since forever he noticed how huge the lions were. How scary they looked up close when you were not inside. Was this one of the reasons why Zarkon wanted Black back? To look intimidating, to tower over them so that they would feel like fleas in return?

Keith swallowed again. He stood up and shouted Lance’s name. He hit the barrier and shouted. Why wasn’t he answering? He shouted until his throat was sore, he hit the barrier until he couldn’t feel his fist anymore. He stood in front of the lion looking up defiantly until his knees gave up and he sank down to the ground his fist balled on the ground and began crying. His throat so very sore, his head so very heavy. But he cried. Loud and ugly. He cried and sobbed Lance’s name as he hit the ground with the last bit of force that was left in his body.

Lance wouldn’t answer… why wouldn’t he answer?

So the insults began. Keith cried ‘asshat, dipshit, idiot,’ it was loud and echoed in the empty room. He hadn’t even noticed the others leave. Maybe they refused to see him this way, maybe they knew he needed his time alone, or maybe they were just tired. Keith shouted Lance’s name again. Until he knew for sure that there would be no answer. There was no noise beside his sobs. There was nothing.

Keith cried bending over, forehead touching the cold ground and his hand hitting the ground one last time. He curled up that way, fell to his side and pulled his knees only further up to his chest. Hugged them and for once he wanted to disappear so that the pain in his heart would stop, for once he wanted to deny what had happened. Keith was alone, Keith was afraid but the worst of it all Keith felt betrayed…

Xoxoxox

Keith woke up with a silent scream tearing at his throat. His mouth was swallowing the sound before it could reach outside. He panted into the empty room of his sleeping quarters, looked around with wide eyes, assessing his surroundings, trying to get back to reality. He let out a heavy breath and closed his eyes, swallowing against the fear that hammered away in his chest.

He breathed in deep and then turned around rubbing his forehead against his pillow, getting rid of the cold sweat of fear. After opening his eyes for a second time, he looked at the wall right in front of him. He was breathing evenly, tried to at least, so that his heart was forced to calm down. His lids fell shut and he was enveloped in a darkness that he could control. Behind the closed lids of his eyes was nothing to fear, nothing of which his mind could form demons from. He breathed. Eyes closed one of his hands clawing his pillow. He needed more sleep. Nothing else that could be fuel to his nightmares.

Xoxoxoxo

The next day was as unforgiving as the day before. Blue still hadn’t opened the cockpit to Lance. She was still sitting there with the barrier up. His eyes rested on Blue and he couldn’t otherwise but cautiously approach the lion. She was huge. He laid a hand on the barrier and pleaded from inside for her to open up to him. To let him in. There was this unbelievably empty space in his heart.

He knew what it meant. Why Lance didn’t exit Blue. The nightmares were enough of an indication for that. He had barely slept last night, had to force himself back to sleep so that he could ignore reality for at least a few more seconds before he had to accept what happened. He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead on the barrier, a deep breath and another one. There was no need for a new outburst.

When calm you could think more clearly, you could accept more easily. That was at least what Allura told him. Losing someone important would never be easy, she said, however you have to stay leveled, force your mind to accept reality and maybe even to let go. How did she even manage to accept her father’s death? Keith was doing such a poor job of accepting Lance’s...

His eyes filled with tears again. Time heals all wounds but Keith would’ve rather wanted for the wounds to close right away, maybe as he slept, maybe when he walked here heart beating slow but heavy in his chest, stomach turning with a dreadful feeling settled inside.

“Keith?”

Keith didn’t even react to Hunk calling out to him. He just listened as the other approached with cautious steps, he felt how Hunk came to a standstill beside him. Suddenly Keith had this ugly cry in his mind shouting at him that Hunk was the reason Lance died that if not for Hunk Lance would be still here. Keith’s eyes were still closed and he clenched his jaw to fight against those thoughts. Accusing Hunk of all people for his best friend’s death would not be fair. Voicing any of this would be fatal, it would bring more harm than good. Keith knew. Yet that miserable voice in his head wouldn’t stop shouting at him. Keith swallowed before he answered. Forced his mind to come up with the right choice of words.

“Yeah?”

It was Hunk who didn’t answer this time. The space between them turned awkward and guilt ridden. He deserves it. The voice inside of him told. Clawed his brain, tried to force terrible words out of him.

“Keith… I’m sorry.” Hunk suddenly said.

Keith’s eyes widened and he looked at Hunk. He had his eyes closed, shoulders drawn up, upper lip pulled tightly over his lower lip, biting onto it, his shoulders shaking. He was holding his breath to seal the sobs inside of him.

“Why?” Keith held his breath.

“L-Lance… he- he rescued me.”  again Hunk stopped but finally looked at Keith. His eyes full of sorrow and guilt. How dared that ugly voice to accuse Hunk of what happened for a second even. Lance was the one to take that decision out of his hands. Lance would’ve done this again any other day. He would’ve rather died than let any of them die.

“I know.” his throat was feeling so tight. Maybe he should’ve asked what exactly happened in that moment. But Keith kept silent. It was still too soon to talk, he himself didn’t know if he could bear to know. So he kept silent and looked back up to Blue. Once again he started pleading from the inside for her to open up to him. He needed to see Lance one last time…

Xoxoxoxoxo

Three is a magical number many people deem as lucky. So it was on the third day after the fight that Blue let down her barrier. Keith was standing in front of her as the day before, hand and head resting on the barrier. Blue bent down and opened the cockpit. Inside was Lance just as Keith had expected. Eyes closed yet his face looked so relaxed and serene.

Keith swallowed. He stretched his arm out slowly to touch Lance’s skin. When his hand finally met Lance’s face his heart might’ve stopped beating for a second. He was cold. So-so cold. This was not supposed to be how Lance felt. He was always warm. Kind of touchy feely too at times, couldn’t keep his hands to himself. But now he was sitting there. Stilled. Without movement. His skin cold and eyes closed. No energy left in his body.

As it is always, the human mind is not fair, not at all. All those days Keith could force himself to ignore reality were over. This touch of cold skin was what shoved aside the curtains to reality, which forced him down from the podium where he acted like he could deal with it. He was now in the audience not the actor. He was now supposed to feel and react accordingly. Keith tried to bite back his tears but he couldn’t. He pulled Lance’s lifeless body in his arms and cried, cramped in the cockpit. There were voices in the background but it all blend to one as he sat there. Lance pressed up to him and cried with his heart squeezing painfully in his chest. This was now his reality…

Xoxoxoox

They put Lance into a cooling capsule to refrain his corpse from decaying any further. It was like holding a funeral before they reached earth. All of them were mourning already, standing around the capsule, some of them placing their hand over the glass as they watched Lance’s unmoving face. Keith though was standing further away. He couldn’t take to see him like that. He wanted to remember Lance as someone that jumped around and not burn the unmoving image of Lance further into his mind.

He closed his eyes and turned away, heading out. Maybe he should rest before they reached earth and had to face Lance’s family. His family… How would they take it? They hadn’t seen their son for years and now that he was finally back all they would get was a corpse. The remains of what Lance once was. Keith swallowed against the bile building up in his throat. He lied down in his sleeping quarters. Kicked his boots off, didn’t even change his clothes. Like that he closed his eyes and hoped for a dreamless sleep.

Xoxoxox

He couldn’t sleep no matter how much he turned and stilled and closed his eyes. Sleep just wouldn’t welcome him into its blissful oblivion. Keith straightened up in his bed and buried his face in his palms. He exhaled shakily. His mind was racing, the images of Lance’s unmoving face burned behind his closed eyelids.

Without much energy he swung his legs over the edge of his bed and stood then up. After putting on his boots he exited his sleeping quarters and made his way to the medical bay. His steps were slow as if he was approaching a danger zone, as if whatever awaited him was the biggest horror on earth. He felt cold sweat on his forehead and dread clumping his throat. He hadn’t even felt this anxious and lost when they were about to attack Zarkon for one last time… their final battle.

He was standing in front of the doors to the medical bay for what felt like eternities. He swallowed down the fear pulsing away in his throat before he placed his hand on the reader for the door. The doors slid open greeting him was an empty room. The lights lit up as he stepped inside and he approached the glass capsule Lance was placed in. He hadn’t wanted to see him like this ever again. However, he hadn’t been able to say goodbye, and the side wanting to see him was stronger than whatever part of his brain was trying to protect him.

He placed his hand on the glass over Lance’s face, watched his unmoving body and face. There was no smile, no twitch of eyes, no stupid grin and no sound coming from him. He was lying there, stilled, cold and… different. Keith closed his eyes. His hand slowly gliding down the glass. This was unbelievable. The only person that’d be missed dearly, the only one that had a family left had died on their ship. He still remembered the day Lance had started telling him about his family. He hadn’t said it that day but Keith had clearly seen that he missed his family dearly…

_Keith was getting himself some of that weird gooey food when he noticed that Lance was also sitting at the dining table. Sure, on some other day he might have turned around and just ate his food somewhere else but something struck him as odd about Lance. He was too… quiet. Keith approached him slowly and only said his name when he was close to Lance._

_The other jumped at the mention of his name and only sighed when he saw Keith. Lance then ignored him and turned back to poke around in his food. Which was weird in itself. Normally Lance wouldn’t pass up any opportunity to rile Keith up. Even while eating food. So Keith seated himself across of Lance and looked at him for a long while. Until he couldn’t take the awkward silence anymore._

_“Ok, Lance, you’re creeping me out.”_

_“Huh?”_

_“Do something stupid as you always do!”_

_“What the hell, Keith. I’m thinking. Leave me alone.”_

_Keith drew up an eyebrow. This was all kinds of strange. This was not the Lance Keith got to know. Ever._

_“Now I’m actually concerned… What happened?”_

_Lance sighed deeply as he stabbed his fork into the goo again and then looked up to Keith. His face looked… lost. The expression felt off on Lance’s face, since he always acted so confident, as if he was the best of them all, as if he could take on the world on his own. But in that moment, he only looked lost. For a second Keith asked himself if anyone else had ever seen Lance this way. But that thought he pushed aside quickly. It shouldn’t matter to him._

_“Nothing happened.”_

_“Buddy, something’s up with you.”_

_Lance opened his mouth and closed it again, before a defeated sigh left his mouth._

_“Ok, listen, don’t tell the others but… I miss earth. My family.”_

_“Do you want to talk about it?” Keith offered rather shyly. This was new to him. He never asked people about their worries and fears and nobody asked him. He was happy like that. But something inside of him told him that Lance needed this._

_“No! Yes… I- I don’t know.” Lance looked worried and indecisive as he talked._

_“Shoot.”_

_“You know… I_ really _miss all of them. My ma, my pa, my granny and grandpa, aunts and uncles, even my annoying brother and far too nice sister. My little cousins and our fat cat Molly…”_

_Lance sighed as he put his head between his palms. He looked so small all of a sudden. As if he never had his episodes where he acted like he was the king of the galaxy. Right now he looked like he needed someone to collect him and protect him. Keith nodded and listened._

_“You know my pa was against me joining flight school and later the Garrison. He was always so worried. Even more worried than my ma. I always joked with my siblings that our parents’ personality was exchanged since all of our friend’s ma was more worried than their pa. He would pamper us so much.” Lance laughed. It sounded different from usual though. “My ma always encouraged our decisions, she was the one to give us courage and a place to return to. She was the one keeping the whole family afoot, like a strong shore.”_

_He inhaled deeply. Keith though was holding his breath as he listened, fearing that even a small sound from him would stop Lance’s tale._

_“My grandparents. Oh man I think they’re the coolest people on our world. No! The whole galaxy!” He looked at Keith and grinned. “When they were young they flew around the world and visited all kinds of places, saw all kinds of people and their culture. They told me so so much about the natives in Canada and the weird inventions in Japan, the strict rule in China and the welcoming people in Iran, they told me of the forests of Germany and the sun in Spain. Listening to their tales was one of my most favourite thing as a child. Even now. Man… I miss their tales…”_

_Keith smiled back as if to assure him that he was listening._

_“You know, my aunt was always something. We’d joke around and poke fun at each other but at the same time she’d be so controlled and cool. Like, my ma is so soft and controlled, she, though, was really cold and controlled. Well, she could also be really warm and soft but that was something she rarely ever showed.” Lance laughed. “I kind of made her cat Molly fat. She bought her and brought her home one day. You know we live in this huge house, where everyone kind of started living together after my grandparents bought it. My uncle and his wife live there with their small children, my family, and my aunt and her cat Molly._

_Anyways. I would always feed Molly. Even when my aunt had already fed her. She got fatter and fatter over time. She’d put her on all kinds of diets. But the brilliant me. Who by the way was still five around that time, would always give her food when she meowed at me. I mean, why wouldn’t I. She was hungry after all. The point is, this went on for years. My uncle got children around that time, twins to be exact. Alicia and Javier. When they started to understand what I was doing they started to do the same. And that’s how Molly never lost her weight even though my aunt was putting her on diets. She scolded me so hard when she finally caught me giving Molly food. It was hilarious.”_

_Lance was laughing. Keith soon joined in. Who could’ve guessed that Lance was fattening up cats._

_“Now that I mention those little brats. I wonder how they grew up these past years. It’s been such a long time since I last saw them. They must be teenagers now. 13 I’d say. We’re in space for 3 years now, yeah?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Okay, then, yeah, they’re 13. Man. I would’ve loved to laugh at Javier’s cracking voice around this time.” Lance laughed and wiped a tear away from the corner of his eye. “It’s the worst to go into puberty”_

_Keith smiled. “So true.”_

_Silence followed for a short while until Lance broke it.“You know, Keith. Thanks for listening.” Lance showed him a sad smile. “Even though this doesn’t bring my family to me or me to them. It does give me the opportunity to feel close to them. At Least in my memories…”_

_Keith smiled and nodded. “Always, man.”_

_“Okay now let’s eat before this goo goes to waste.” He stabbed what was inside his plate with his fork and screwed up his face. “Man I miss my granny’s cooking.”_

_Then they both started laughing again._

After that day Lance would tell Keith a lot about his family, short stories and longer ones. It brought them closer than ever, so close indeed that Keith’s heart had done flip flops at times when he saw Lance’s smile. But those days were over now. Keith opened his eyes and looked down at Lance. It was not fair. Life never was. But that was also something Keith already knew. He balled his fist and considered shattering the glass to pieces for a moment, but then just let his fist fall down to his side. No, they would get Lance’s corpse unharmed to his family. Keith swallowed. He really didn’t want to see their reaction.

Xoxoxoxox

It took them several days to reach earth. Not because Allura couldn’t use any portals but because they needed time to get together and talk about what to do next. How to tell Lance’s family about their loss. They couldn’t decide who’d do it. However, after a while of thinking Shiro and Allura decided that they would tell the family. Tell them about how Lance died and why, what kind of life he lived. They all knew that Lance hadn’t had the time to say goodbye to his family before leaving. Just like all of them. Nobody could know what his family got to hear and accepted or didn’t accept over the past six years. They had been in this war for a long time after all, had grown stronger and bonded to be better friends.

Keith looked at his boots on another meeting day. They had decided to talk over how Lance died. It was weird, how they tried to handle this situation formally, not emotionally. As if acting like this was a formal procedure would make it any easier to talk about. Shiro cleared his throat which made Keith look up finally.

“We all know why we came together today.”

Nobody really reacted but then again Shiro didn’t need them to as he continued.

“We’ll talk about Lance today. We all know his death wasn’t in vain, that he died heroically as a fighter of Voltron and a savior of his friend.” He paused a moment. Keith knew that it couldn’t be easy on Shiro either. “Hunk.”

Rustling, as Hunk stood up and saluted. They had done this never before, acted this formal, this awkward around each other. But who could blame them? The past days had been a mess, Keith had barely even seen any of the other’s. Not to mention that he actually didn’t even really want to see them.

“Please tell us what exactly happened in the moment of Lance’s death.”

Keith considered not listening for a moment. He didn’t need to know how Lance died he told himself. But then another side of him whispered how Lance would’ve wanted them to know and remember, how he would’ve not wanted to be forgotten. So he looked at Hunk and waited. Hunk breathed in deep shakily as he stood still and stiff, looked somewhere into the distance as he began to talk.

“We were keeping Green’s back free when my lion stopped responding from all the blows it had to endure.” Hunk paused shortly, he too needed his time to collect himself after all. “I informed Lance. That was also the moment we realised that there was a jammer close by since neither he could hear me nor I could hear him.” Another pause, shaky breathing. “The bigger problem in that situation was that I also noticed Haggar building up her quintessence laser. She was loading it up, the only unmoving object in closer proximity had been us, which meant she was aiming for us, to be more precise, me…”

Hunk paused again and Keith could clearly hear that his breathing was short and rigid. He was having a hard time, he after all had seen Lance’s last moments, he gave himself the fault for Lance’s death. “Lance noticed what was happening and began transporting Yellow. The laser shot off just a few moments after that. A few things happened then. Lance, Blue let go of Yellow. Blue and Lance took the full hit of the laser until it abruptly stopped, probably when Green finally reached the enemy ship.” Hunk was crying, his voice sounded nasal and his face looked wet but his voice was still as controlled as he could make it. “After that Yellow’s power returned and she could move again. That’s when I transported Blue back into our ship. That’s what happened…”

There was a long silence in their room until Shiro cleared his voice for the second time. He nodded at Hunk to sit down and that he did. He had buried his face in the nook of his elbow and was crying silently. Keith though tried to picture the exact moment of Lance’s death. It was a fitting death for him. As grand as he acted and presented himself, a grand exit was also what would do his death justice. Keith sniffled. He hadn’t really realised that he had started shedding silent tears as he listened to Hunk. He wiped his tears off with his sleeve.

Xoxoxox

They had decided that tomorrow would be the day they’d get Lance’s body to his family. They were very close to earth but didn’t land anywhere yet. Keith was kneeling in front of Blue and wondered why it took three days for the lion to finally let Lance’s corpse out. Was it because she was mourning too or something else entirely? After a while he couldn’t take to see the lion anymore so he directed his eyes down to his knees and held onto them.

As he sat there on his knees he heard the door slide open. From the sound of the steps it could only be Shiro. When Shiro came to a stand still, silence filled the room. That was it for a while. Keith could feel that he was right behind him. But as it was neither of them wanted to speak up. So they dwelled in that silence, how long it took, Keith didn’t know but whilst he didn’t want to talk to anyone at all like the past days, Shiro seemed to have other ideas.

“Hey… Keith.”

Again it was silence that followed in which Keith considered answering or just ignoring Shiro. He too had been unfair to Lance at times, hadn’t given him the attention he wanted even though Lance craved it the most from Shiro. Keith gritted his teeth and then answered.

“Yes?”

“We need to talk, buddy.”

It stung. Keith didn’t know why. His closeness to Shiro stung. He was sure that Shiro saw Lance as a part of the team, a friend, even a brother. But he often would show his more caring side to anyone but Lance. He’d always get the bare minimum.

“‘Kay.” it was a hoarse mumble that stumbled out of his mouth.

There was shifting for a moment, Shiro sitting down beside Keith and laying his hand on his shoulder. Keith though tensed up. These past days had been a great opportunity to think about everything. How each of them acted towards Lance. How each of them never had been fair to him. He too belonged to those. Apart from Hunk. He was always there for his best of friends.

“Keith. Since Lance’s d-” Shiro paused. “Since Lance passed away, you barely talked.”

Keith swallowed. He knew he hadn’t. He also knew that it wasn’t healthy for neither him nor anyone in the team.

“We need to talk about this. You have to get a grip.”

Keith screwed his face up at that. His chest tightened up. How dare Shiro tell him how to mourn? How dare he who seemed to care even less than anyone else dare to tell Keith anything? He gritted his teeth again but kept silent.

“I know you are mourning, everyone is. Lance was an important part of the team; more than that, he was a friend. But you need to-”

He was boiling inside as he gripped onto his knees; he snapped his head towards Shiro. "Shut-" He drew in a sharp breath. "Shut up. You, you don't know-" He was so mad he was starting to mumble. Avoiding looking Shiro in the eye, he turned his head back to look at his knees. Tears were fighting their way up to his eyes. He couldn’t take to talk about Lance, it had been hard to listen and listen and listen all these past days. But talking about this was out of the question.

“Keith-” Shiro paused. “You need to honor him as your friend Keith. We lost a lot of friends on the way, we have to be able to han-”

That was the second Keith snapped; he stood up, ripped his shoulder away from Shiro’s nearly tender grip and glared down at him.

“He wasn’t just a _friend,_ Shiro! He was family! How can you- How can you act like it’s nothing. How can you act like it’s just another death? It was _Lance_ who died, not some friend we met along the way. Lance was family… He was one of us! He was a fighter of Voltron… He was…”

Keith had reached his breaking point, tears were tumbling out his eyes and when he stopped shouting cries left his mouth, hoarse cries of despair.

This was not right, nothing was.

Lance wasn’t supposed to die, none of them were. They were supposed to bump fists, laugh and have a huge party when they won. Lance was supposed to flirt with any girl or guy he met and Keith was supposed to sit in a corner and chat with some aliens.

This was not supposed to happen.

Pidge would finally get back to her brother and everything would be alright. Hunk would cook some great food, Allura and Shiro would hang out together and have a great time and Coran would say something stupid to make everyone laugh.

This, however, was not it.

Him wailing in front of Shiro, hand pressed to his eyes and loud sobs leaving his mouth. He felt strong arms around himself as he was pulled into an embrace, he didn’t even fight against it. He didn’t.

“Shhhh. I know. It’s hard on all of us.”

He heard the choked up voice but decided later to not listen to any other word as he pressed his face in the shoulder in front of him.

Xoxoxox

The next day broke on Earth. They landed the ship on some empty space and then headed out with a smaller ship to transport all of them with Lance’s body. They would go there and talk to the family. When they reached the address Keith had burned into his memory when Lance had mentioned it once, they were first taken aback, at least most of them were but Keith… he only felt like he reached Lance’s home.

It looked exactly the way Lance had described him. Each detail was there. Just the broken fence seemed to have been changed over the course of years and in the front yard were different flowers. But apart from that it was exactly the way Lance had described it. A huge house where a whole army could find place. A big back yard and a small front yard. Keith swallowed. Would the people also be the way Lance had described them? Or would they have changed after Lance’s disappearance.

The closer they came to the house the more he felt how each of them felt more uneasy, none of them wanted to face Lance’s family. None of them wanted to tell them that their son was dead. Keith took a deep breath when their ship finally stopped near the fence to the front yard. An old woman was bent over a rose bush and working on it, while a young teen was standing close holding onto a watercan they’d probably use for watering the plants. Keith recognized that face somehow, at least the eyes.

Lance had shown him a bunch of photos of his family members over the course of their conversations. That had to be one of his cousins. He was probably 16 by now. The age Lance had disappeared from home, where he found a blue lion which responded to him and only him for a long while. He was also the one to realise their appearance first. The look he wore was riddled with confusion and questions. Who could blame him? It didn’t happen every day that some strange ship appeared in front of their home after all.

“¡Papi!” He called out soon after when he realised that they were exiting.

“¿Qué pasó, Javier?”

“Hay una nave aquí. Será que llegaron tus cosas.” He paused as he eyed them. “O eso creo...” He added still shouting but more silent than before.

“¡Ya va, ya va!” Came from inside the house.

Meanwhile the old lady was looking at them with a smile that crinkled the edges of her eyes. She seemed to smile often. Keith instinctively smiled back. Which even surprised him, but Lance had told him that his grandma had that effect on people. A few moments later a huge man exited the house, he was at least as big as Hunk but definitely taller than him. He looked like a doorman, but the bright and honest look on his face made his huge appearance look like a teddy bear instead of an intimidating guy. That was definitely Lance’s uncle.

“How can I help you?” He asked after reaching their ship. Shiro stepped forward and reached his hand out for a handshake.

“Hello, my name is Shiro and these are my friends, Allura, Pidge, Hunk, Keith and Coran.” he pointed at each of them as he introduced them, still holding onto Lance’s uncle’s hand. “We are here to talk about Lance with you.” Keith saw how the man’s eyes widened, and he noticed Shiro’s pause as a reaction. “We are friends of his.”

“Wh-wha-”

“What did you say?” Javier’s eyes were huge and the old lady was gripping onto his arm. “Did you- did you just say Lance?” He was speaking too loud, Keith noted, which lead to hell breaking out from that moment on.

“What do you mean ‘Lance’?” a girl appeared from inside the house this time, taking her place beside her brother, Alicia. Keith was impressed he could still remember all those names.

Soon many others joined the four people in the front yard. They were talking over one another. Keith could barely make out half of what was said since they talked fast and switched between two languages. It was a mess. Nobody felt at ease. Which was no surprise Lance’s family just heard from Lance’s friends after six years and the paladins just couldn’t handle the sheer number of people they had to tell the saddening truth.

Keith stepped from one foot to the other, for a short second he decided to return into their ship and wait there, however, after listening to days of Lance’s tales about his family, he wanted to meet them. To see them. At least for Lance’s sake.

_“You’d love my aunt Valentina, the cold one I told you of. She’d be just your alley.” grinned Lance._

Keith shook his head and waited for the people to calm down, for them to reach the eye of the storm before they’d be thrown out into the unforgiving fangs of its surrounding area. Lance’s grandma held up her hand, and it was surprising how such a small and soft woman could demand silence with that small gesture. She turned to the paladins.

“Come in, you lot.” She then said with her shaking voice and motioned them inside. “It appears that we need to talk.”

Keith saw that Shiro tensed up and he knew that he probably wanted to decline, but Lance’s grandma had an aura around her that made it hard to refuse her anything. So they left Lance’s body in the ship until they would finish explaining everything.

Xoxoxooxx

When they entered the house the first thing Keith noticed was the feeling of home. He never really had a place he had called home, not that he minded that, but when he stepped inside the house, the smell, the many shoes in a shelf just made him feel home.

They took their shoes off at the entrance. Keith and the other’s were motioned deeper inside the house until they reached the living room. It was weird how they were sat on the big couch in the middle and the two armchairs whilst Lance’s family brought some chairs and some of them sat on the ground. Most of them did. Apart from the grandparents and what appeared to be Lance’s pregnant sister.

Keith had been surprised when he had seen her like that. At first he had a hard time recognizing her from the photos since she had a different haircut and just looked worn instead of her happy go lucky self in Lance’s photos. But as it seemed she’d found something that gave her the happiness she seemed to have lost for a long time.

 _“Estela is such a crybaby. She’d always be worried about anything happening to anyone of us. I can’t imagine how she’d be if granny or grandpa died…” Lance’s gaze shifted into the distance. “Let’s talk about something fun. You know once I broke my arm. Don’t look so worried._ How _it happened was hilarious…”_

Keith closed his eyes and looked away from Lance’s sister. He directed his eyes on his hands. He had entwined them on his lap, clamping them together until his knuckles turned white.

“So…” Shiro began rather awkwardly after everyone was seated and looking at them.

“You are Lance’s friends?” Keith looked at Lance’s mother, one of her hands was holding onto her knee, the only indication of her being tense. The look in her face grounded, yet ready to hear whatever would come from now on. “Where have you been six years ago after Lance-” She paused and exhaled. “Lance passed away in the explosions in the desert.”

Keith’s eyes widened when he heard that. What had the Garrison told them? That Lance had died in an explosion? That he passed away the day he disappeared? How dare they when Keith and Lance had rescued Shiro from whatever the hell they were trying to do to him!

“That’s not what happened!” All eyes fell suddenly on him. Keith had run his mouth without even thinking. It had just happened. But who could blame him. Keith was there, Keith had to endure Lance’s annoying self while he tried to rescue Shiro. “I-” He swallowed.

“What he’s trying to say is.” Shiro fell into his word. “Lance didn’t die in that explosion. He was with us for the past six years. It was actually on the day of the explosions that he and Keith rescued me from some people that wanted to experiment on me or so…” His voice subdued to the end. However he caught himself pretty fast.

“What do you mean Lance didn’t die?” it was Lance’s sister who spoke. “But that’s what they told us!” Her voice rose. “That’s what we believed for the past six years! What do you mean he isn’t dead?!” Keith couldn’t look up from his hands as Lance’s sister spoke and seemed to lose herself.

“Cálmate.” someone else suddenly said

“¿Cómo? ¿Cómo quieres que me calme?” her voice shook as she spoke but Keith just couldn’t understand what was said.

Shiro cleared his voice. “It’s true that Lance didn’t die on that day…” suddenly he stopped talking. Keith though couldn’t blame him. He felt it too. They were giving this family that had been riddled with grief for the past six years hope just to shatter it again. Lance was dead after all that hadn’t changed. The day he died was another one, only that.

“What Shiro is trying to say is.” Allura was the next one to talk. “Lance died in a more honorable way than an explosion in a desert. For the past six years he joined the Paladins, and was part of Voltron.” She paused shortly, had probably forgotten that the people on earth didn’t know anything about Voltron at all.

“Voltron?” Keith looked up to the man that spoke. It was Lance’s father, just as Lance had described him, soft and sleepy eyes.

_“My father always looks like he’d fall asleep any second. But don’t be fooled, behind those old wise, sleepy eyes lies the vision of a hawk. He always caught me when I tried to steal cookies from the cookie jar.” Lance lit up while he laughed._

“Uh…”

They were doing a great job of screwing things up. Keith could cut the air around them with a knife, it was so tense.

“Sir,” it was Pidge that talked next, which surprised Keith, yet somehow didn’t. She was the type to rescue the day after all. “Voltron is a special unit that was created a long time ago. It’s our job to keep peace in the galaxy between all the alien species. Lance was chosen to be part of this program. Sadly he didn’t have the time to bid his farewell, none of us did.” She motioned in the room. “Our mission was to stop Zarkon a galactic dictator that threatened to take over and enslave the whole universe. That was why Lance disappeared for the last six years. On our final battle against Zarkon though…” Keith saw the fight Pidge had with herself as she searched for words. “He passed away.” She ended her sentence.

After that dead silence befell the whole family. A clock ticked and the atmosphere didn’t loosen up one bit. Keith fidgeted in his seat.

“This is not funny.” Keith looked to the person that talked and saw Lance’s sister. Her face was riddled with pain. “This is really not funny.” She repeated herself.

“We are only telling the truth.” Shiro said.

“You are doing shit!” She suddenly shouted. Keith flinched at her words. “What are you thinking coming into our…”

“Estela.”

“home, sitting here…”

“Estela.”

“and telling us a filthy joke!”

“Estela!”

She finally stopped shouting.

“Vito, llévatela arriba.”

“No puedo, mami.”

“Ve, mija, por favor.”

There was a silent conversation going on between mother and daughter after they had stopped talking, then Lance’s sister nodded and left the room, with her -probably- husband.

“Now to you.” It was Lance’s grandmother that talked. “Explain everything from the very beginning. Leave nothing out.”

Keith saw from the corner of his eyes that Shiro nodded, he however was not ready to listen to all of it again, he somehow needed to escape the situation, what made everything worse were all these people that seemed so familiar yet weren’t at all.

“I need to go out.” He said standing up from his place. All eyes were on him. He however just stalked out but could distantly hear how Hunk excused his bad manners.

Xoxoxo

Keith left the house from the entrance and walked over to their ship. His throat felt tight and his chest burned. It hurt. To know so many things about such an amazing family, to have each of Lance’s stories engraved into his mind, yet not being able to give them even some peace of mind.

Was it a mistake that they had taken Lance’s body here? Was it a mistake that they decided to be truthful and told them of Zarkon and Voltron? Was it right to just get here and destroy the last bit of peace they had built for themselves after Lance disappeared?

Keith bit his bottom lip then balled his fist. He had to do something. Get his mind elsewhere. Do something, anything! He felt a shout rip at the back of his throat. He slapped his flat hand onto the ship balled his hand to a fist and then bit his knuckles leaning his head on the cold metal of their ship.

Lance was inside this ship. His lifeless body was. He stepped a few steps away. Keith clenched his eyes shut and waited for a few seconds.

Then he started running. But not in the direction of the main road, he was running alongside the fence that lead to the backyard, his lungs started burning but he couldn’t, wouldn’t stop. A pain hammered away in his brain, his chest hurt, but he didn’t stop running, his breaths rigid he only came to a standstill when he was far away from the house, when it was in the distance just like a dream. Just as he had imagined it when Lance talked about the house. It was a distant memory that was supposed to stay one until he returned to earth with Lance and he could show him that place he spoke of.

_“If we ever get back to earth I have to show you something in a forest near my home.” Lance smiled. “Since you seem to be kinda ok.” He then laughed nervously, scratched his cheek and averted his eyes. “Anyways! If you follow a small path in the grass at the broken fence in our backyard you get there. It’s somewhat of a long walk. I hope your chicken legs can take it.” Lance was laughing and Keith pushed him playfully annoyed._

He looked around and tried to find a trial. A laugh escaped his mouth when he looked around, he did find the path but the forest Lance so fondly spoke of was not even the least close to Lance’s home. Keith couldn’t even see it in the distance when he followed the path with his eyes. He bit his bottom lip as he straightened up, pulled his pants up and smoothed his jacket down. He started walking down the trial, hoping that after six years the forest still was where Lance remembered it to be.

Xoxoxoxox

Keith hated to prove Lance true but his chicken legs -as Lance had called them- were hurting from the long walk. As it seemed nobody really taught Lance the meaning of ‘close’ and ‘nearby’ when he was small. With an amused smile on his lips Keith looked at the trees that greeted him. The path continued through the forest. He was about to step in but he didn’t. His leg froze midair then he placed it back to its previous place.

This was not right. He shouldn’t be doing this. This was Lance’s favourite place. Wouldn’t he intrude when he just so strode in without Lance being here? He swallowed down the lump in his throat and turned around. Maybe he should just leave. That’d be the right thing to do.

“Hey there!”

Keith froze in his place, didn’t dare to look back.

“Turn around.”

He counted to ten and turned then around. When he saw who had called out to him, his eyes widened. It was Lance’s aunt, Valentina.

“Are you alright?” She walked up to him.

“Yes.”

What did she search here? Why would she be here? He had tried to run away from Lance’s family so why was she here?

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Keith looked to the ground instead of answering.

“Come with me.”

Suddenly he was taken by the hand and lead through the forest. He didn’t exactly know where she was taking him but he didn’t have much will to fight back anyways. He couldn’t after everything today. Here and there some twigs pulled at his clothes yet he couldn’t care less so he followed Valentina through the forest. Only when she stopped did he look up.

In front of him was an old vehicle from the times people didn’t use flying ships as transportation yet. A car. It was an old car. However it was overgrown by ivy and even the branch of a tree was going through the car’s windows. It looked… different yet beautiful. The blossoms of the ivy were a light blue contrasting the dark red colours of the car. Rust was eating away at the doors and where the tires previously were.

“Beautiful, huh?”

Keith nodded still looking at the car.

“Sorry for just kidnapping you here but from the looks of it Lance told you a lot about me. Since you didn’t just shake me off or anything.” She smiled. “You know…” Keith turned his head to her. And saw her watching the car wishfully. “Lance loved this place.” A sad smile played on her lips. Keith though swallowed against the drumming of his heart.

“I showed this place to him one day and since then he’d always flee here when he felt sad or just wanted a time out. He’d message me and I’d be there in a minute, talking with him, joking, having fun until the late hours of night, until we couldn’t laugh and talk anymore.” She paused and looked at him but soon returned her gaze back to the view in front of her, Keith did the same.

“Sometimes, though, he wouldn’t message me. He’d flee from home and not return for hours, until night turned to day and day turned to night, until I would come search for him.” She looked at the ground. “And I would always go search for him since this was our secret place. He had me promised to never tell any other family member. His parents would call me so that I’d get him back home.” She laughed.

“One day, I searched for him sooner. Right after he left. And I found him here as always, sitting, leaned against the car, right there.” She pointed her finger between the headlights. “He was crying, face buried in his arms. Often enough I knew he needed his time alone here when he was upset. I knew why he came out here. He hated showing his weakness or sadness to anyone at all.” She paused again.

“On that day though. I couldn’t just wait for him to calm down before talking to him. So I found him crying, shoulders shaking and sobs loud. He didn’t even notice me approaching him.” Keith directed his eyes to the ground then to his hands as he fumbled with his fingers, pinched his palm. “He told me on that day that he had fought with his father because he wanted to join flight school to then become a pilot for the Garrison. You know,” Keith looked at her since he felt her eyes resting on him.

“It was hard for him to leave home already and as much of a loudmouth he was at times and tended to bicker with everyone, he hated it all the more to have an actual fight. You wouldn’t notice in the spur of the moment because he’d turn cold, really really cold all of a sudden. His eyes the ones of a dead fish, looking empty at you. It would send chills down your body, and make you all the more angry and hurtful towards him.” Her eyes returned to the car but Keith kept watching her as she talked.

“We only fought once. You know. Lance and I. It was about something stupid. I don’t even remember what it was now. But I do know that it was stupid.” A huffed laugh escaped her. “We apologized soon after so no hard feelings at all. But well, god knows, his father never allowed him to go to flight school, he never approved, he only tolerated it after his mother talked to him. Lance stayed over at my part of the house that day.” Her eyes returned to Keith.

“We talked through the night. He told me of his plans and fears, I listened. when it became too much we said nothing and listened to the ships flying past or the trees rustling.” She sighed. “Anyways. Then he started flight school, he wouldn’t shut up about how he had a rival whose guts he hated.” She laughed while she said the last part. “Believe me, he didn’t hate you, he just didn’t know how to get along with you yet.” She smiled at Keith.

“He told me a lot about Hunk and Pidge after he joined the Garrison. I was feeling that he had a lot of fun, even in flight school where he barely made it to become the pilot of the fighter ships. He also told me he only got into the Garrison because you dropped out due to behaviour problems.” Keith turned his gaze to the ground. He did remember that day. Not much of Lance though. To those times he had been nothing more than an annoying fly to him.

“Ah, well. He did deserve his place there though. He trained a lot to get there, he’d inform me as often as he could after all.” After that bit she didn’t say anything for a long time. Keith looked at her worried for a second. It took her a few deep breaths before she continued.

“One day we received a message from the Garrison. There had been an explosion in the desert closeby and Lance had been caught in it. That’s what they told us. That Lance died.” Keith bit his bottom lip as he listened, his eyes once again directed to the ground. Waiting. “I knew they were lying. The rest of the family believed it only because hoping was harder than what the Garrison told. Hard times followed for all of us. Really hard times. But they got over it. I did. It was hard but we managed after losing an important part of our family. He would’ve turned 22 this year. It’s always hardest on his birthdays or the birthday of any of us, reminding us, who isn’t there anymore to goof around and make everyone laugh.” She paused, her eyes shining sadly.

“He had his strength from his mother. Always strong for whoever needed it. And his goofiness from his father. You’d not know these days but as a young man his father was really really unbearable.” Keith heard that she could barely hold back her tears from the way she laughed, all nasal and bubbly. “I told you I didn’t believe he died, have I not? And well you lot proved me true. I’m glad he had the chance to make his dream come true. He’d dream of it as a kid too. Of saving the galaxy from the bad guys.” There was a smile on her lips even though tears were trailing down her face as she turned to Keith, looked into his eyes.

“I believe what your friends told us. You know I followed you after you left the house. Well, I came here before you since I used a ship and parked it where you couldn’t see. I somehow knew that you’d come here. That Lance had told you of this place. That’s also how I was sure you didn’t lie.” Her eyes returned to the car. “He always wanted to take the one he loved here.” She turned back to Keith. “I always knew he’d end up with you, Keith, one way or other.”

Keith’s eyes widened, then he turned his face to the ground. Who could’ve guessed that Lance… That Lance felt the same as him… Keith swallowed. Then laughed. He didn’t know why he laughed, but it was somewhat funny, this, everything. He could’ve come out so much sooner, could’ve told Lance, could’ve kissed him…

This place even. It was such a Lance move to confess in the place that was most important to him, hoping still that they would return to earth one day, it was so cheesy. Keith laughed, he did, he really laughed.

Didn’t he?

He pressed the heel of hands to his eyes. What was it with him these past weeks? What was it… Yet he couldn’t find a clear thought. Why would everyone talk about Lance so much? He wanted to break things, to hit something, but he couldn’t, not here, not now. He felt a delicately placed hand on his shoulders. Then he was pulled forward. He was feeling like a small child as he shed tears with Valentina, in the place that was most important and special for Lance.

Xoxoxox

After talking for a while longer Keith learned from Lance’s aunt that she had moved out two months after Lance disappeared, that she had started to search for him as much as she could and that she hadn’t been able to tolerate the way everyone accepted that Lance was dead. She had told him of how the house always reminded her of him and that this place just felt like he was there again. Keith had understood why, the car, the ivy, the flowers it just felt like Lance.

It was a conversation that showed Keith that Lance’s aunt too had changed, not her looks but her personality. She wasn’t the cold and controlled woman from Lance’s tales. She felt warm and caring. The cold façade as Lance had described it had fallen in her long years of learning to accept a loss. She had also told Keith of her girlfriend, how they met. Keith in return listened for the most part, he’d tell her stories from their life as a paladin when she asked, but apart from that he listened to her ramble about everything that had happened, and probably would happen.

When dawn broke they flew back home, greeting them was the sight of the whole family gathered around the ship. Shiro’s tale had ended as it seemed. They were delivering Lance’s corpse. They parked the ship a few feets away and walked the remaining way. Keith heard the wails of someone, but for the most part all of Lance’s family members stood around the capsule. When they finally arrived he felt how the atmosphere changed from a warm yet sad tale of two to a sickeningly heavy veil of despair mixed with disbelief. The only one openly crying was Lance’s sister, her husband was holding her close to his chest, trying to comfort her probably.

Keith swallowed down the lump in his throat as he watched a family break under the burden of loss. They had lost the same family member twice, once as a lie was told to them to hide away the truth and then after they listened to the story of Lance’s actual death.

He tried to put himself in their shoes. He probably wouldn’t be able to lose Lance for a second time after getting to know that he could have been together with him for another six years. His eyes turned to the ground, he couldn’t take to see such a strong and caring family this way. They were all mourning for a second time after six years and Keith really hoped that they would find their peace sooner this time.

Lance’s mother had thanked them after the delivery of the corpse. Thanked them for getting Lance back to them. Keith couldn’t actually understand why. Lance was dead. This body was no longer who he once was. But he stayed silent as she thanked them. Lance’s grandmother then offered them to stay until the funeral. But Allura politely declined and told them that they’d be here but staying at their own ship.

After that they parted ways. Keith bid his farewell with Lance’s aunt, who barely answered to him. She was staring at Lance’s face after all. Keith knew that she needed her time alone, maybe she’d return to Lance’s and her secret place. Keith though turned his face to the ground and then entered the ship and waited for them to return to the castle.

Xoxoxox

When they reached the castle, each of them tried to do whatever until they would get the message with the date to Lance’s funeral. Keith walked to his sleeping quarters, stood in front of his door for eternities. Suddenly though he turned around and ran towards the training room. He needed to get this day out of his mind, he needed something to do. So he slammed in the commands for the training room and waited to face whatever the training program had in store. Starting now, the enemies he’d face would become stronger and stronger after each one he defeated. He placed himself in the middle of the room, closed his eyes, took a deep breath and then everything started.

Xoxoxoxox

His bones were aching as he dodged and attacked then dodged again. Finally his mind shut up and he could go on autopilot as he was attacked and fought back. The burning of his muscles made him feel nothing but the sweat of exhaustion and cold dread of death. He hoped that nobody would find him until he felt satisfied with his training, until he knew that it was enough. So he trained.

Xoxoxox

The program suddenly stopped when one of the enemies nearly sliced off his arm. He heard someone shouting but he didn’t really register who it was and what they said. His clothes were a bloody mess, maybe he shouldn’t have commanded the program to actually hit when they sliced, maybe he should have changed the number of trainees to one instead of leaving it on two. But who could blame him? He felt like he was fighting for two. The world around him faded out.

Xoxoxoxox

The day of the funeral came and went, Keith tried to forget everything that happened there, he didn’t want to actually remember anything of it. So he found himself in the training room again. Fighting stance right and then he once again threw himself into the bliss of having to think of nothing at all.

Xoxoxoxox

“Hey Keith!”

Keith turned around to face Pidge. She was grinning up to him. It was painful how hard she tried to fake this. How hard she tried to not look sad or pained.

“Listen, Hunk cooked today, we’re going to eat some great food.” She slapped his right shoulder blade with so much force that Keith nearly toppled over.

“So you come too, okay? He’s been preparing the food for a while. We’ll have a great meal and then…” She paused. “We’ll see.”  Then she laughed.

Keith didn’t want to hear her laugh, or anyone in that manner. It sounded fake, so painfully fake. Yet he nodded anyways. He’d be there when they would eat.

Xoxoxoxox

He entered the dining room. Everyone apart from Hunk and Lance were there. They were sitting on their usual places, just Pidge seemed to sit on Hunk's place which made Keith wonder for a second. He didn’t comment on it though, he only sat down on his own place. The meal would begin soon, the table was set and Hunk brought in the delicious smelling food. He placed everything in the middle. And so the meal began. Keith also noticed that Hunk sat down on Lance’s usual place. It couldn’t have been easy for Hunk from the way he looked down on his plate before he looked up again with a smile painted over his pained features. Keith watched the play in front of him. He was the audience to a bad play.

“So, guys, what will we be doing next?” Allura said far too cheerful, voice far too high.

“I’m not sure.” Coran answered truthfully his mustache twitching from right to left.

Keith watched them as he poked around in his food. It smelled delicious as anything Hunk cooked. But if the chef himself couldn’t get a bite down then how could he? He looked at Hunk. That weird smile was still there, but he could see a light quiver of lips.

“Okay.” Allura chirped. “Okay…” She then murmured her face falling as the word subdued towards the end.

“Guys! Look at this!” Keith’s head snapped up when he heard Shiro talk so loud. He was balancing his spoon on his nose? Why was he doing that? Was he trying to be funny? To try to get a laugh out of everyone?

“Ah look at that!” Allura laughed, loud, it sounded grotesque to Keith’s ears. “That’s so funny!” It really wasn’t.

Keith swallowed against the bile that was building up at the back of his throat. Did he miss hitting another target for this masquerade? He was boiling.

“Just stop!”

Keith flinched when he heard Hunk shout. Everyone was looking at him.

“Please stop…” A sob escaped him. “We can’t just- this is so wrong.” He stood up from his seat. “I don’t want to ignore what happened. Lance is dead. He died saving me! We can’t just act like nothing happened… We can’t just hope that this pain will go away overnight.” His tears were falling down onto his shirt and the table. “This isn’t right. Everyone needs their own pace in accepting what happened. Maybe even to forgive himself.” It was weird how his hoarse, silent voice sounded so loud in the huge dining room. Keith couldn’t tear his eyes away from him. “Just please stop.” After that he left. Everyone sat at the table, silence filling all the voids of the room. Nobody reacted for a long time. Then Keith stood up, going after Hunk.

Xoxoxox

He searched through the castle. In Hunk’s room. In the lion’s room. But he seemed to be nowhere. Then it struck him. How hadn’t he thought of it before. He ran down the corridor until he reached the kitchen. And as he had thought Hunk was sitting there. On the floor. Face swollen from crying. He sniffled still.

“Hunk?” Keith voiced carefully.

Hunk though, didn’t look up. His gaze didn’t shift from the stove in front of him. Keith didn’t say anything else as he sat down beside Hunk. They didn’t exchange any words for a long time.

“I don’t understand.” Hunk suddenly said. Keith listened. “Keith, I really don’t understand. Why would everyone… why do they act like that?”

His brows furrowed as he turned to Keith.

“I don’t know.” Was his answer without even giving it a thought.

“I mean, that’s not true. I do understand why they would do this.” He sniffled. “They’re trying to feel normal again. Act as if everything is alright. I understand why. But- but it doesn’t work that way. Like this it hurts even more.”

Then silence filled the kitchen. It was funny how much of his life was filled with silence nowadays. Keith looked at Hunk. His gaze was turned back to the stove again.

“I cooked Lance’s favourite food today, without even realising.” Hunk finally said. “I think nobody but me knew that this was his favorite.” He paused and inhaled sharply through his nose. “That’s why I couldn’t even force myself to eat what I cooked.”

“Hunk.” He was not sure what moved him to say the next phrases, it wasn’t like they had been talking about this. “It’s not your fault Lance died.”

Hunk’s eyes widened. Then he teared up again. He bent to Keith and pulled him into a bear hug, crying into Keith’s shirt. Keith placed his hand awkwardly on Hunk’s back and patted it.

“Lance is just like that. You remember that time some weird plant monster nearly ate his whole arm because he threw Pidge out of its range?”

Hunk nodded into Keith’s shirt.

“Would you have blamed Pidge if he had lost his arm that day? More importantly, would he have blamed Pidge?”

Hunk shook his head, face still buried in Keith’s chest.

“Lance just has a savior complex.” Keith huffed a laugh. He didn’t mean to but it just happened. When he thought back that was literally how Lance always acted. He’d boast about anything at all but if he ever seriously saved someone he wouldn’t mention it, only look worried and ask if that person was alright.

“I’m actually sure that word doesn’t mean what you think it means.”

Came from the door to the kitchen. Pidge sat down right beside Hunk.

“Hey, big guy. I was searching for you.”

After that they chatted for a bit. Keith had forgotten how good it felt at times to talk to his friends. But in due time, it just felt painful again. He was glad that he could help Hunk to feel a bit better about the whole situation, since he didn’t look as bad as before they talked yet it didn’t help against the gaping hole in his chest.

Xoxoxoxox

A nightmare pulled Keith out of his sleep. He had finally managed to sleep for more than an hour and this was what happened. It was still so vivid in his mind. Lance dying all alone out in space, his life being sucked out of him, Hagar laughing like a maniac as she killed Allura and Pidge and Zarkon ripping apart Shiro. Keith panted and then swallowed against the fear in his chest. Cold sweat was sliding down his forehead. He needed to do something. So he jumped out of his bed, put on his boots and began running towards the training quarters. He slammed in the controls of last time, equipped his weapon and stopped thinking.

Xoxoxoxox

He woke up to worried faces above him. Shiro looked angry but didn’t say anything.

“Are you alright?” It was Allura who talked, her voice soft but her face riddled with worry.

Keith nodded as a response. His throat felt dry. But he chose to stay silent.

“This is it.” Shiro finally said. “Keith, you are being unre-”

He was only silenced after Allura gave him a sharp look.

“Okay, fine.” Shiro still added. “But I want all of you to know that Keith will not take part in any missions before he clears that mind of his. Coran.” The way he sounded, as if he was ordering all of them around, as if the last straw was reached. “You keep watch of him. I don’t know what you will do with him. But don’t leave him out of your sight. I left him to himself for the last three weeks. But this.” He gave Keith a sharp look. “I won’t tolerate this.” Then he left. Just like that. After giving all those orders. Keith though stayed where he was. He only sat up, stitches were pulling at his right arm and he barely felt his left leg.

“Get well soon.” Pidge and Allura said.

Hunk though was still sitting beside his bed. With a plate and a spoon on hand.

“You need to eat to get well soon.” He smiled before blowing at the soup on the spoon and then reached it over to Keith.

Xoxoxoxox

After what Shiro said. Coran really never left his side when he were to leave his sleeping quarters. He’d assign him easy jobs at first. Like watching the map with him. When Keith could finally walk, he would tell him to bring stuff to certain rooms. And then one day he actually started buying things so that Keith could bring them to those rooms. He’d even let him transport everything just one item at a time. No matter how small or unbreakable it was. He called it training for him to use his leg again. But Keith knew that he was running out of ideas.

They had found someone to fly Blue while Keith was still expelled from going anywhere near the lions. It was Allura. Blue had responded to her one day. Which was great news for Voltron since now they were a whole team again and could actually form that huge robot to use it in a fight. But that would only be the case if Keith got back to his senses, to the way he was before. Who knew, maybe they would also find someone else that could fly Red. He shook his head as he adjusted the holocrystal in his arms. These things were heavier than they looked but it had to be done. Coran’s delivery had arrived after all.

He placed the crystals in the hologram room one by one. When he was finished, he took a short rest. These things were really putting a toll on his left leg. Coran wouldn’t ask for him until he returned. He looked around in the dark room when a light blue glow caught his eye. He watched it for a while. As it seemed one of the older crystals had been used. Or rather there was a mind inside of it.

He approached it slowly. Who could the hologram be? Did they even have one after Allura’s father? He reached his hand out and touched the smooth surface. Was it a good person or a bad one? He heaved it up. There was just one way to find out, if it turned out to be someone bad he could destroy the crystal. He placed it on its place with a strangled moan. These things really were heavier than they looked. Then he turned the machine on. The surroundings looked familiar, an old car, ivy. Then he turned around. Keith’s eyes widened when he saw who it was that was screaming. Was this what Blue had been up to the first three days?

“Hun- Keith?”

The only thing Keith could hear was the drumming of his heart as silence filled the hologram room.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked reading this story at least as much as I liked writing it!  
> I can't wait to read your comments!
> 
> (P.s.: if I were you I would visit watermaloon's and hamykia's fanfiction. They both write waaay better than I do! Reading their stories is a treat for the soul!)


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